I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
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