i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
ttyl tear gas
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Randomize
