btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
