dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Randomize
