You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Randomize
