We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
