i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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