it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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