sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
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