btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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