Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
