Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Randomize
