she was so not down for the gang bang
whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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