You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Randomize
