you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
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