The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
