i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Randomize
