im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Randomize
