So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
