If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Randomize
