just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
