I feel like abortions should bother me more
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
