When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Randomize
