i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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