Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Is her dick bigger than yours?
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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