I am puke
You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
