im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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