just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Randomize
