Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
