The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
