I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
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