I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
how drunk are you?
Several
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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