Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
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