Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
Randomize
