The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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