I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
