I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Randomize
