I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
