I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
