I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
