it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
