Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Even my vagina gasped.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
