I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Randomize
