i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
i just google imaged poop.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
You ruined the universe
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Randomize
