you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
