dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Randomize
