So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
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