My brain says no but my pants say off.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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