I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
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