after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
