Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
Randomize
