How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
