So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
