You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Randomize
