Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Randomize
