there were more penises there than on chat roulette
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Randomize
