Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize