and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Randomize
