Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
