I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Randomize
