Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
