The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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