Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
