Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
I faked an abortion last night.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
