you guys were way drunker than both of me
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
I see more hoeing in ur future
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
