I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
These People Are The Epitome of Lazy
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Disturbing Scenes People Witnessed As Children
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.