his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
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You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
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I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
my liver is dry heaving