I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business