so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
