Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
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The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
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Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.