i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
19 Of The Creepiest (Most Inexplicable) Things People Experienced
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.