I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
