You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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