Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Randomize
