We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Randomize
