The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
Randomize
