So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
I take back everything I said about communal showers
So many bounce houses so little time
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Randomize
